The Devil Is In the Sprawl

By Atom Bergstrom

Atom’s Blog

The United Nations wants us all bunched up together to reduce our carbon footprint.

The U.N.’s devil is “urban sprawl.”

On page 8 of the Carpinteria Coastal Valley News (a newspaper in a little beach town of 14,000 residents) …

“Uncontrolled growth like that [BS ALERT!] is called urban sprawl and often includes large areas with single-use zoning (such as housing) [A ONE-FAMILY HOUSE IS “BAD” FOR THE “ENVIRONMENT”] and increased reliance on private cars for transportation [PRIVATE CARS ARE “BAD” FOR THE “ENVIRONMENT”]. Consider the area of Carpinteria on the mountain side of the freeway — how do most of these residents buy groceries or go out to eat or even buy a cup of coffee? They can’t just walk to their local neighborhood store, so they get into their cars, drive  [DRIVING IS “BAD” FOR THE “ENVIRONMENT”] somewhere on the other side of the freeway where the services are, and they park their cars on land dedicated to storing cars [LAND USE IS “BAD” FOR THE “ENVIRONMENT”]. Better planning in the past would have allowed the land to be used for something better than vast asphalt parking lots [“VAST” PAVED PARKING LOTS IN TINY BEACH TOWNS ARE “BAD” FOR THE “ENVIRONMENT”] that are used only a fraction [HOW LONG IS A “FRACTION”?!?] of each day. While Carpinteria is still a small town, our history of sprawl requires many of us to use our cars for some of our most basic tasks and errands.”

I thought cars were built for “basic tasks and errands” as well as cruising and sightseeing?!?

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Carpinteria (where I once lived and worked) is now the marijuana capital of California and probably of the entire country.

Maybe the Board of Directors of the Carpinteria Valley Association are toking up with too much wiggle-wall wonder-weed, including their president, quoted in the above newspaper article.

Any way you interpret it, this commission is packed with knowing and unknowing agents of Agenda 21 (The Agenda For the 21st Century).

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Meanwhile, in the same quiet little beach town of Carpinteria, on a ten-acre estate on gated and isolated Loon Point, is the $70 million estate of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi.

These poor little rich Carpinterians are over two miles away from a cup of coffee and five miles away from Albertson’s, a supermarket on a “vast asphalt parking lot” “used only a fraction of each day.”

But maybe Ellen and Portia prefer to shop on Coast Village Road in Montecito. Von’s is only 4.6 miles away, another supermarket on a “vast asphalt parking lot” “used only a fraction of each day.”

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It’s time to bring mixed-use construction and granny flats onto Ellen and Portia’s property so they don’t pollute the environment with their extensive luxury automobile collection (Mercedes AMG GT,  Lamborghini Urus, Porsche 911 Targa 4S Heritage Edition, Porsche 911 Carrera S (992 Series), Porsche 911 Turbo S, Porsche Panamera, Porsche 993, Ferrari California, etc.).

Agenda 21 must be obeyed by everyone (Liberty! Equality! Fraternity!), including Ellen and Portia’s next-door neighbors, Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher.

How much of a carbon footprint do you suppose was involved in importing Ellen and Portia’s custom copper gutters and bronze windows and doors from Italy?

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